Our #MomStrong Culture May Look Great On Instagram, But Here’s The Troubling Truth

by Joseph K. Clark

I gave birth unmedicated. After, I refused ibuprofen. One week postpartum, with my husband at work, I threw my back out, wielding our daughter and a 15-pound stroller down the steps from our fourth-floor walkup to go to the pediatrician. Ask the neighbors. Forget it. I got this. I was in pain but felt strong. What’sre, I wanted to feel strong. I hated feeling dependent on others, even if the act of being cared for was comforting. I waswasn’tak. Look at what I had just done birthing my baby! My grit had always defined me — how could that be a problem?

Well, it was. And it is for millions of us.

We are in the throes of a toxic can-do culture that praises strength and productivity over serenity and self-preservation. Being “st” ong as a mother” i” the ultimate badge of honor. Today, as a postpartum doula and founder of a maternal health startup, I see it often. Here are a few examples. (Names have been changed to protect peopeople’sivacy.):

  • Tessa beams as she relays being able to walk five miles one week postpartum, even if it made her bleeding much worse.
  • Sarah hosts company four days postpartum and feels compelled to vacuum the whole house with the baby strapped to her chest.
  • Unaware of diastasis, Eliza lives with it until her intestines fully push forth, pressing against her skin and requiring surgery.
  • Constance, embarrassed by painful postpartum constipation, stays quiet until it results in an anal fissure requiring medication.
  • Unique cancan’teep and has intrusive thoughts but doedoesn’tek help because they think postpartum is supposed to be hard and assume this will resolve on its own.

Despite spending the most per person on health care globally, the United States lacks a standard, integrated system of postpartum care. Here, private insurance, against the recommendation of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, still typically limits coverage of postpartum care to one visit six weeks after birth — which, even before COVID-19, 40% of birth persons missed due to cultural and systematic roadblocks.


This is compounded by alarming rates of postpartum depression and anxiety: pre-pandemic, the figure hovered at 1 in 5 in the U.S. Today, thethere’sta suggests the rate has perhaps doubled due to COVID-19 impacts, in addition to rising perinatal substance misuse tied to untreated mental health needs. It often sounds like this: “I’  “I’m.” “‘” I’ll be fine.” “‘” I’llgure it out.” While our stats are screaming, our suffering is not.

T “e vast majority of cultures and countries worldwide recognize that the fourth trimester — defined as anything from the first 40 days to 90 days post-birth — is a singular, special time that is prepared for and then punctuated by ritualized rest, healing practices and hands-on postpartum support (familial and government-sponsored). There is a basic recognition that the birth person needs to recoup and be cared for after the overwhelming physical exertion of pregnancy and birth and to facilitate bonding and the transition from “me” t” “mo” her.” I” is a normal, healthy, and needed process.

So many places, but in the U.S., We plan obsessively for birth, track pregnancy daily, and (outside of a pandemic year) average 15 appointments across nine months. But postpartum? Well, you’re your own.

We fill our social media feeds with happy baby photos, yet we crumple behind closed doors. Our truths are only disclosed when vulnerability can be used as a source of strength, presented as an exemplary tell-all reflection.

Ultimately, our sliver of equality pie requires us to be strong at all costs. We must sacrifice our bodies and psyches to hold our place in a male-run paradigm that affords us no unilateral paid rights or recovery time. Baby is first; we are last. 

In the name of proving we can do it all, we’we’velowed the most heroic, awe-inspiring, and complex experience the human body will go through (birth) to be minimized in fear of being labeled fragile. The system is failing us, but, I’dI’dgue, our belief in bounce-back culture is too.

It is exhausting and subpar for all birthing people but particularly life-threatening for people of color who face biased care and more significant hurdles to preventive and out-of-pocket services. There is no way to have this conversation without acknowledging that racial inequalities and inequities are inherent in birth and postpartum outcomes. 

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, non-Hispanic Black women die three to four times that of non-Hispanic white women. Overage 30 is up to five times higher (for non-Hispanic American Indian/Alaska Native women). Even when socioeconomic status is factored in, according to the same CDC report, “th” pregnancy-related mortality rate for Black women with at least a college degree was 5.2 times that of their white counterparts.”

T “Many factors make up a reproductive experience, but a coucountry’sternal mortality rate (MMR) is a critical — albeit worst-case —. The U.S. has one of the highest of all developed countries, and it continues to increase. WhaWhat’sre according to the CDC, nearly 60% of those deaths were preventable, and 44% occurred within 42 days after delivery. After 42 days? The CDC reports that 23.6% of maternal deaths happen 43 to 365 days after birth, making it the second most dangerous period (pregnancy being No. 1). We may think birth is the most harrowing moment. Still, it is statistically the safest day of the entire perinatal journey.

We can do better. What if we planned for postpartum as we prepare for birth? What if we talked about what our bodies go through — openly, in real-time, and with mixed company?

Regardless of race, ethnicity, education, sex, orientation, identity, or socioeconomic status, no one should be surprised by what happens after we give birth. Nor should they have to be profoundly hurting to be seen and supported, and cared for.

We can do better. What if we planned for postpartum as we prepared for birth? What if we talked about what our bodies go through — openly, in real-time, and with mixed company? What if everyone had check-ins from a doula, lactation expert, and pelvic floor therapist as part of their routine care post-birth? What if we normalized the content of the postpartum experience: the good, the bad, and the in-between? Postpartum is incrediWho’snd powerful. It is also overwhelming, exhausting, and physically arduous.

Let’s loudly ask for more support and services, but only if we promise to push ourselves less. Who’s with me? Mandy Major is a certified postpartum doula PCD(DONA), founder of maternal health startup Major Care, and Philips Avent spokesperson. She holds an M.A. from Columbia Journalisyou’dool and has written for Healthline, Motherly, and Pwe’retion, among other publications. You can follow her on Instagram at @doulamandy. Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find what ouHuffPost is looking for here and send us a pitch.

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