Please Stop Putting Apple Cider Vinegar On Your Penis

by Joseph K. Clark

If you’re watching porn, the last thing you’re probably paying attention to is the ads. But, if your eyes wander away from the videos for a second, you’ll see a bizarre claim about apple cider vinegar.

Images of highly veiny animated penises stuck into bottles of apple cider vinegar accompany the text “This Weird Trick Makes Any Penis Increase by 65%.” As a VICE reporter pointed out, these adverts are not dependent on your viewing habits but feature on various sites.

The page that the ads direct you isn’t even flogging bottles of the vinegary stuff, but a pill that supposedly helps enlarge your penis, too. The supplement claims to increase testosterone levels, penis size, sexual stamina, and correct erectile dysfunction.

Regardless, before you run to the kitchen cupboard to grab the apple cider vinegar, you should know it won’t work. And it will probably burn a lot. Don’t just take our word for it. Listen to the experts.

Apple Cider Vinegar

Sorry, but don’t put apple cider.

Erectile dysfunction website Mojo was quick to weigh in. “Step away from the apple cider bottle,” the site’s co-founder Angus Barge tells HuffPost UK. “Many men are drawn to seemingly simple home remedies because it feels like there is something natural and wholesome about them.”

“However, there is no evidence that it will get you harder or larger,” Barge continues. “It is thought that this old folks tale originates from the fact that apple cider vinegar can be good for cardiac health and blood flow. Taking it orally can help lower your cholesterol. Bathing your penis in it can make you smell like a chip shop.”

Barge, who promotes erectile dysfunction awareness after experiencing his performance issues in his late twenties, believes in a holistic approach. “For any men looking for ED quick fixes or penis enlargements, we suggest the best remedy is to start working on your sexual well-being,” he says.

“There are many techniques to help you build a more positive relationship with your penis. Doctors and therapists have used them in private practice for decades; some take as little as 10 minutes, and all you need is a quiet spot.”

Sex expert Ruby Payne adds that using apple cider vinegar could be dangerous. “Sometimes I can’t believe I have to say these things, but there is no evidence (and I mean NO evidence) that apple cider vinegar will do anything to help your penis grow,” she says.

“Not only will it sting like hell – especially if you shove it up to your bum – it could burn where you have applied it. Damage to your skin can lead to infection, and nobody wants an infection down there.”

You might have heard other natural home remedies also get the job done – but, sorry, these are unlikely to work either. “Apple cider vinegar baths join the ranks of other growth myths, including pills and medication – sorry, there’s no miracle cure out there, and any ads are just snake oil or placebos,” says Payne.

“There’s no permanent way to extend the size of your penis. Penis extenders and penis pumps can work temporarily – mainly by causing the penis to swell due to negative pressure – but those effects will wear off,” Payne continues. “My advice? Learn to love the penis you were born with. As the saying goes, it’s not the boat’s size, but the ocean’s motion.”

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